Mom's In-Laws Secretly Push Religion On Her Kids

Author image for mattstaff
mattstaff
Aug 30, 2020 8:00 AM EDT

This mom asked the folks of Reddit whether or not she was in the wrong for cutting off some family after realizing that her in-laws were secretly pushing religion on her kids. I mean, that is not cool, not cool at all! Seems understandable enough. 

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  • 01
    Text - AITA for banning my kids from my in-laws house because they keep forcing their religion on them? Not the A-hole I was born in Saudi Arabia. I escaped by convincing my parents I just wanted to visit family in Canada, and the moment I got the chance I sneaked out of my uncle's house and went straight to a women's shelter. They helped me apply for asylum. I am now a proud citizen of the Great White North, I even got a maple leaf tattoo the day after the paperwork was complete. I'll never for
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 02
    Text - I am now married to an incredible man with two kids (8M and 7F). He's also an ex-Muslim, but was born and raised in Canada. His parents are first-generation Pakistani, and well, they don't like me very much. They blame me for my husband's atheism, even though he's told them several times he was an atheist before we met. The biggest point of contention is how differently they treat our kids. One incident in particular that a caused a pretty big fight was when my kids told me their grandpar
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 03
    Text - We pay my SIL (16F) to babysit. Yesterday when I got home from work, I saw she'd forgotten to log out of her Facebook. I went to log her out, but then something caught my eye - it was a picture of my kids with their grandparents, my daughter wearing a hijab. I investigated further, and realized my in-laws were blocking me from seeing these pictures. It felt like steam was coming out of my ears. understand to many Westerners it's just a piece of cloth, but to ex-Muslim women it's a symbol
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 04
    Text - My husband and I made this crystal clear when they first bought my daughter a hijab, and we told them to return it. They tried to convince my daughter it was just for dress-up, and that just pissed me off more because they don't even let my SIL wear makeup. They don't care about dress-up, they care about brainwashing my kids. My husband and I banned the kids from his parents house, and now his whole extended family is sending us nasty messages. It looks like we're going to have to find a
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 05
    Text - rileygreyy • 19h • Pooperintendant [57] 2 Awards NTA. They're blocking you from witnessing what they're doing with your own children. Religion or not, that's unacceptable. Reply 17.6k ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 06
    Text - peachgreentealemon • 19h • Asshole Enthusiast [5] NTA!! they did something without your knowledge and literally hid it from you because they knew that wasnt what you wanted for your children. them sending you awful messages just further proves the point that they know what they did was wrong but only cared for their own benefit/beliefs. but INFO: if your children decide to go into that religion/ any other religion, would you stop them or let them do it? Reply 1.3k ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 07
    Text - Myardraug • 19h • Partassipant [3] NTA, anyone who isn't their parents should respect your boundaries that you both set regardless of the situation. Reply 212 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 08
    Text - Eyksmama • 19h • Partassipant [1] NTA, your Children, your rules. If they can't respect your way of parenting, they lose their privilege of seeing their grandkids. Reply 104 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 09
    Text - RO489 • 19h • Pooperintendant [59] NTA, but l'm curious, isn't the hijab usually held until after puberty? Is it normal to buy them for young girls? Reply 1 351 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 10
    Text - QuickBobcat • 18h NTA! Ex-Muslim here. My parents are religious and I WOULD LOSE MY SHIT if they did that to my child. My father is already on my case about making sure I teach my unborn son all the things he (my father) wants him to learn. I'm glad they can't be here for his birth because l'm 100% sure they want to "azan" into his ears as is my culture's tradition and will try to get us to circumcise him (not happening). Keep your kids away from them unless you or your husband are there
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 11
    Text - geistkind • 19h • Partassipant [1] NTA You've set boundaries and they've ignored them. You are their parents and have every right to raise your children as you see fit. Block those attacking you and move on. You're doing the right thing. Reply 53 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 12
    Text - bluebell435 • 19h • Asshole Enthusiast [9] NTA. Not only are they ignoring your wishes as parents, There is no way they aren't telling your kids not to tell you about the hijab, or you would know about it. On top of that, the whole family has to be helping to keep this a secret. If it were me, they would never see my kids again. Reply 55
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 13
    Text - Dragaril • 19h NTA Be proud of what you accomplished and never ever let anyone trample it! Your daughter can be very thankful because her parents protect her and give her self-confidence. Your son can be too because you teach him fairness and independence. He won't need a woman to have clean clothes. You made your boundaries very clear and if your IL can't keep them - well, you don't need that in your life. They even lie to you! In my country it would be highly illegal to post pictures of
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 14
    Text - Amkitty3204 • 19h • Asshole Aficionado [11] NTA I can never understand the oppression you went thru but just by you running away you went thru a lot. I'm glad your husband is backing you up in this honestly that's all that matters. Reply 81 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 15
    Text - Bonzi777 • 19h • Partassipant [1] NTA, they obviously knew they were doing something with your kids that you wouldn't want or else they wouldn't have gone out of their way to hide it from you. That's deal-breaking for things a lot less important than religion and gender equality. Reply 27 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 16
    Text - nhannon87 • 19h • Certified Proctologist [26] NTA. And it makes it so much easier on you that your husband is in your corner. If they can't play by your rules than they can't play. Reply 49 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 17
    Text - zoe_2703 • 16h NTA for obvious reasons. I'm wondering about SIL though. Any chance she left her Facebook logged in for you to find out? By the sound of it she likes your kids and is being oppressed herself, isn't she? Just wondering if she's safe now. But first thing's first: keep your kids away from toxic in- laws Reply 1 81 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 18
    Text - nom-d-pixel • 19h • Certified Proctologist [20] NTA. They violated your parental rights in an egregious way. This isn't letting them have ice cream for dessert or something else innocuous. They haven't just crossed a line, they completely obliterated it and then hid what they were doing from you. They have firmly established that you cannot trust them, and in doing so have sacrificed any right they have to access to your children. Reply 32 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 19
    Text - bellamarie100 • 19h • Partassipant [1] NTA My family tried forcing religion on me when I was young and that's why I choose not to be religious or force it on my kids, that's something for them to decide when they understand. Reply 15 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 20
    Text - throwaway0281028 • 19h NTA! Your in-laws have no right to see your children if they can't respect the (perfectly normal) boundaries and rules you set. Just reading about the fact that they were hiding things from you, knowing you'd disapprove, made my blood boil. Reply 19 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 21
    Text - dellaevaine • 18h • Asshole Aficionado [12] NTA - They are undermining your rules and boundaries. They knew your rationale and determined that they didn't care about it. Their behavior has consequences. I would recommend blocking the other family members or explaining "they are repeatedly violating the rules we have our seeing our children" to the rest of the family. If they keep giving you static, block them. Reply 8 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 22
    Text - amwagers295 • 18h NTA, not a former Muslim but a former Pentecostal in our religion it's long skirts and hair to the floor, extreme modesty very similar treatment of women overall ... I separated from the church three years ago and there was a major learning curve for everyone involved, I've gone LC with a lot of family members and it's been an adjustment, if they were attempting to undermine my free will in this way it would be a solid NC situation from here to forever. Reply ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 23
    Text - Zezo4 • 17h NTA, as a Muslim its so sad to hear when other Muslims after knowing someone's left the religion and their family or friends harass them about it or make them feel uncomfortable (like how your SIL) did it's so wrong. At the end of the day we HAVE to (regardless of your families outlook and unjustness) respect the path you've chosen and your beliefs now, they have no right to enforce it or try play it off as dress up, I hope you and your husband are able to find a new babysitte
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 24
    Text - Americanmomofmany • 19h NTA. Parent's boundaries must be respected. The fact that this is regarding a deeply personal issue that you have discussed beforehand with them makes their violation worse. Be open to giving them another chance only after they have committed to all of your rules completely and earned your trust again. This is a common Grandma mistake, oftentimes about diet. If they want to be close to the grandchildren they must respect rules they don't agree with. Reply 13
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 25
    Text - Green_Man_Group • 18h NTA. As another former Muslim turned Atheist, I completely agree with your stance on this. Your in-laws are clearly trying to indoctrinate your children. Moreover, the fact that they continue to blame you for your husband's Atheism shows that they do not respect you. You're doing right by your kids. Hope you continue to do so. As for the extended family, just block and delete. Reply ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 26
    Text - GothPenguin • 19h • Asshole Enthusiast [5] NTA-A thousand times not the asshole. You and your husband are the ones who get to decide what is best for your children until they are old enough to decide for themselves. This is in all areas including religion. Reply ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 27
    Text - KathAIMyPal • 17h NTA. They are your children and you have been very clear about what your wishes are. They chose to go behind your back and this is the consequence. Since you were blocked from seeing these pictures, you might want to block all his relatives who are sending you messages. When my oldest son was born, my ex-husband made it very clear to his mother (who was a Jehovah's witness, and we are raising our kids Jewish) that she was not to discuss religion with them at any time. Sh
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 28
    Text - Hereswitha • 17h NTA They overstepped and they know it and they tried to hide it from you. Is there a way they can continue to have any relationship with their grandchildren? Will you allow supervised visits? Do you know SIL was involved? Was she pressured to going along with her parents? She's pretty young to stand up to them. Is there a possibility you can help her escape from expectations you found unbearable? In the end you have to protect your kids Reply ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 29
    Text - The_Veteran_Raven • 17h NTA. Even ignoring all the religious context, the in-laws just can't follow 1 simple rule. You and your husband would be negligent parents to leave your children with anyone who couldn't follow a single simple rule. I understand to many Westerners it's just a piece of cloth... I chuckled at this bit, sorry. Believe me, as a loud and proud atheist, there are very few Westerners who see hijabs as anything but the oppression they are. Usually, the only ones who think
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 30
    Text - Pokabrows • 18h NTA. They're your kids if other people don't respect how you're raising them then it's okay to limit or remove their influence from your kids lives. Especially how they are going behind your back to do what you explicitly didn't want to happen. Reply 2 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 31
    Text - conuly • 17h • Partassipant [1] NTA. This goes a lot further than them simply trying to share their beliefs with their grandkids. Block everybody who sends you messages about this. Make sure, when your kids go back to school, that you have it documented that the ONLY people allowed to pick up the kids are you and your husband, or daycare if they go to daycare. Reply 2 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee
  • 32
    Text - DoglsFarting • 17h NTA. You are a fighter. I am in awe at your willpower. And think you are absolutely in the right to feel the way you do. These are your children, you made them yourself and you should be the one who decides what they are and are not exposed to. Reply 2 1 ...
    via u/exmuslimrefugee

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